hurting

thats just fine. im alright. dont tell me anything. oh dont worry. i dont feel left out at all. i dont mind. i could just stand aside while you whisper away. looking everywhere. then u burst out laughing. and u dont tell me. ohno. i dont mind the least bit. its fine with me. yup. even when i tell you guys everything. i dont keep any secrets. why do you have to? dont u know it hurts. and i look away. act like i din see. is this what happens after the one yr. then maybe moving isnt such a great idea. i dont mind at all when u laugh at fun times in that one yr. or maybe before when i wasnt there. but its the whispering that hurts. im sorry. it hurts. real bad. have u ever felt that way?

i saw a guy who looks so much like steve. cept taller. i miss you so much steve. do u still think about me? do you miss me as much as i do? cos i miss you enough to start crying right now. why do i still care bout you steve. youre halfway across the world. i feel so stupid. you obviously dont like me. you obviously dont think about me. and i hate myself cos of that. why in the world should u like a girl whos only gonna be in your life for a year. why bother. im probably never gonna see you again. and i hate that. i hate the world. i miss you.

we were at orchard after the national day celebrations today. me gou hwee viv shaofang n sar soh. im gonna put up the pictures soon. met fiona. happy birthday! im gonna miss you when you leave.